The Epic Answering Machine Challenge

While I was finishing my paperwork for the day I noticed my coworkers were having difficulty recording the new message for the answering machine. They needed to read 3 paragraphs of information within the span of 20 seconds. I believe these were the 8th and 9th attempts.

Nomihodai

In Japan when you go out with group to an izakaya or karaoke you usually pay a flat fee for all you can eat and all you can drink! This is called nomihodai. It means you have 2 hours to drink as many beers as humanly possible. I drink that many +2!


Endless beer is the perfect social lubricant, especially if you plan on doing some karaoke.


Here I was about to make a peace sign but at the last second I realized how stupid I was going to look and tried to throw up a gang sign instead. The end result was peace sign + thumb. I was sooo close to looking stupid...


...like I do in this photo taken seconds later. I'm so horrible at karaoke, but it's so fun.


After 3 songs Danimal had enough of my crappy singing, and punched me in the face while I was singing Usher. He then went on to sing Barbie Girl...I have since lost all respect for him. lol

42

I just got hit on by a single 42 year old grandma.

She thought we would be perfect match because I am 24 and she is 42. We are the exact opposite/vis versa age.

Her whole family was also at the bar with her including grandchildren...awkward.

It was the most direct approach I've had since this girl licked half my face/neck and said, "Take me home with you."

For a single 42 grandma she wasn't bad, but yeah...awkward.

Also at the bar I was asked:

Japanese Guy: "Do you like Japanese girls?"
Me: "I like all girls."
Japanese Guy: Do you like good body?" (Points to his wife, awkward...)
Me: "Yes...I like good body."

Girls that can speak fluent English is such a huge turn on...lol


Side Note: I heard there is supposed to be a huge earthquake in Tokyo tomorrow. This is pure rumor but in case it is true and I don't make it out of the rubble I just want all of you to know that I love you.

Last Weekend...

Sunday
16:30 - Eat hamburgers.
17:30 - Go to the arcade for the first time. Dominate all the games there.
19:30 - Meet a friend at an izakaya in the next town over for dinner and drinks. We eat okonomiyaki and yakatori and drink lots of beer!
22:00 - More drinks at a bar, Whiskey and Bud.
23:30 - Catch the train back to Ashikaga

Monday
00:00 - Arrive back in Ashikaga.
00:15 - Roll into a bar a few blocks away from the train station.
00:20 - Make new friends.
1:30 - Leave the bar 6 drinks drunker.
2:00 - Make it home, turn on the early morning football games.
205 - Skype with my dad and trash-talk him about his fantasy lineup.
2:15 - Talk to my grandparents on Skype. (I am very drunk.) I threaten not to return to America unless they vote for Obama. They are now going to vote for him. lol
2:30 - Watch football for 30 minutes.
2:50 - I pass out on the floor of my apartment while cleaning.
9:30 - I wake up realizing that I have missed the Charger game. I go back to sleep because I have nothing to live for...I am confident they have won by 3 touchdowns.
11:02 - I wake up still a lil drunk realizing that I'm already 2 minutes late! I'm supposed to meet one of my students at school so she can take me to the driving range for a golf lesson!
11:03 - I'm in my boxers.
11:04 - I'm in a nice pair of slacks and a wrinkled polo.
11:05 - I begin running.
11:08 - I'm out of breath and arrive at school to meet my student. She is still there! YES!
11:09 - I apologize for being late.
11:10 - We drive to the driving range.
11:20 - We arrive and I begin my golf lesson...in Japanese.
11:25 - Despite the fact that I speak no Japanese and the instructor speaks no English, we completely understand each other.
11:30 - I'm okay with irons, (Level 3) so the instructor has me practice with the woods.
11:32 - He tells me that I'm a "Level 1." (Crappy)
11:45 - It is very hot and I begin sweating.
12:05 - I go to the vending machine and get a cup of Coke WITH ICE.
12:15 - It is getting hotter, I get another cup of Coke WITH ICE. (SO GOOD)
12:45 - We practice putting. The instructor tells me that I'm "Level 5." There are only 5 levels. Everyone is impressed. I am still drunk, I somewhat impressed too, for being able to stand...
13:00 - Head home.
13:15 - Check ESPN for EVERYTHING I HAVE MISSED.
13:20 - WTF!!! THE CHARGERS LOST, TOM BRADY IS DONE FOR THE SEASON, AND I LOST MY FANTASY FOOTBALL MATCH-UP TO MY BROTHER BECAUSE MICHAEL TURNER RAN FOR OVER 200 YARDS. WTF, WTF!!! (Out of the 6 Fantasy football leagues I'm in, the only game I lose is the one against my brother. Fuck him and his bastard luck.)
13:30 - I Skype my parents. They make fun of me for how drunk I was the night before. I deserve it. Apparently I make a lots of hand gestures when I'm drunk. At this point my skull is throbbing and feels like someone hit me in the head with a hammer because I have a horrendous hangover. I amazed by the fact that I am still awake.
14:00 - Pass out, begin recovery.

All In All A Good Time.

NFL Standings 17 Weeks From Now

AFC West
San Diego Chargers (14-2) This is the year.
Denver Broncos (9-7) Cutler and offense are weighed down by weak defense.
Oakland Raiders (6-10) Running and defense will be good, but no receivers and JMarc is young.
Kansas City Chiefs (5-11) Fresh blood will help improve last year's record.

AFC North
Cleavland Brown (10-6) Playmakers on offense will drive their success.
Pittsburgh Steelers (9-7) Weak O-Line, inconsistent play from offense, and a tough schedule.
Baltimore Ravens (6-10) Rookie quarterback.
Cincinnati Bengals (5-11) Lots of holes on defense.

AFC South
Indianapolis Colts (11-5) Harrison will no longer be a playmaker.
Jacksonville Jaguars (10-6) Stout defense and running game, but average passing attack.
Houston Texans (9-7) Improved defense but tough division.
Tennessee Titans (4-12) No passing game. VY runs for more yards that he passes for.

AFC East
New England Patriots (13-3) Concerns about secondary.
Buffalo Bills (10-6) Strong running game and improved defense.
New York Jets (9-7) Improved play from defense, but Farve won't lead them to the playoffs.
Miami Dolphins (3-13) Triple their win total from last season.

NFC West
Seattle Seahawks (11-5) Hasselbeck and defense carry the team.
Arizona Cardinals (8-8) Warner and passing game help team reach .500.
St. Louis Rams (5-11) Steven Jackson will win a couple games by himself.
San Francisco 49'ers (2-14) Mike Martz passing 70% with scrub QB's equals disaster.

NFC North
Minnesota Vikings (11-5) Strong defense with strong running attack help the team reach the SB.
Detroit Lions (9-7) Calvin Johnson emerges as an unstoppable receiving threat.
Green Bay Packers (8-8) Arron Rodgers is next Alex Smith.
Chicago Bears (5-11) Rex Grossman, Kyle Orton, and Caleb Hanie.

NFC South
New Orleans Saints (12-4) Brees is back.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-8) Mediocre team, mediocre record.
Carolina Panthers (7-9) Defense need works.
Atlanta Falcons (5-11) Turner and Ryan help turn the team around.

NFC East
Dallas Cowboys (11-5) Overrated, but still a good team.
New York Giants (10-6) Strong O-line and defense. Losing Osi was a huge.
Philadelphia Eagles (8-8) McNabb will get hurt, again.
Washington Redskins (3-13) New coach. Strong D but offense is horrible.

AFC Playoff Seeds
1. San Diego
2. New England
3. Colts
4. Browns
5. Jacksonville
6. Buffalo

NFC Playoff Seeds
1. New Orleans
2. Minnesota
3. Seahawks
4. Cowboys
5. Giants
6. Lions

Superbowl
Chargers defeat Vikings

Note: These standings are probably mathematically impossible.

Viva Home

If Wal-Mart and Home Depot had a mutant offspring, it would be Viva Home.


In Japan you can buy monkeys! They only cost 700,000 yen.


I've been in Japan for 10 weeks and I still don't have a bike. I'm debating whether to buy a new one or to cut the chain off the old teacher's bike and just use that.


If I decide to get a new one, I'm getting a Jeep Wrangler.

Stacked

The Chargers are stacked and have one of the deepest rosters in the NFL. Here are my predictions/concerns going into the season.

Offense
Nick Hardwick's absence will be noticeable. As the center, Hardwick is responsible for giving the line calls and blocking assignments/adjustments to the offensive line. Without him their play will suffer, how much has yet to be determined.

This year the offense is going to pass more. A lot more. Chambers and Jackson are going to catch more balls and as a result the offense is going to be much more balanced. Rivers is going to have a great season. He will be a top 10 Fantasy Quarterback.

Jacob Hester will be somewhat ineffective. On 3rd and 1, I'm giving it to Tolbert. The undrafted rookie FB.

Darren Sproles is a play-maker and this year he gets his chance to shine. I've always liked Sproles, but he is quickly becoming my favorite player. The man is a 5ft. 6in. beast!

Gatesy's toe will be fine.

Defense
Jamal Williams is and has been the most important defensive player. His health will determine how much success the defense will have. He is getting old and his knees are giving out. Finding a suitable replacement for him should be the team's top priority next off-season. If his knees start acting up you can expect the Charger's run-defense to suffer.

The weakest link on the roster is at middle linebacker, especially Matt Wilhelm. If he does not have a productive season he will not be a Charger for much longer. Our MLB's have very poor pass coverage and are only average against the run. They are especially vulnerable against pass-catching tight ends. Luckily, Cason the rookie will step in on passing situations (Nickel and Dime packages) and should help bolster pass-coverage over the middle.

If Shawne Merriman is unable to play he is not going to be missed as much as most people think. Although Jyles Tucker isn't the complete player that Merriman is, he is a fierce pass rusher and should prove to be a disruptive force in the backfield.

This is the year that Shaun Phillips emerges as a playmaker and is recognized as an All-Pro OLB.

The team leader in interceptions will be either Hart or Weddle, not Cromartie. The most consistent player in the secondary with be Quentin Jammer.

Outlook
The Chargers are going to finish 13-3 or better. Their most difficult games are not against NE or IND, but the games week 7 - week 11.

Week 7: @ BUF
Week 8: @ NO (London)
Week 9: Bye
Week 10: KC @ Home
Week 11: @ PIT

The Bolts don't play well on the East Coast so I can see them losing a game or two during that stretch. Also the bolts usually split the division series with KC every year, and playing at Arrowhead is always a challenge. If the team can stay healthy and avoid injures they will be in Tampa six months from now.