Nitetime Porno Walking Adventure

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Ueno

Yesterday I went to Ueno with my friend Yoshi! Ueno is home to many of Japan's national museums as well as a zoo.

Konichiwa! or Ni Hao, take your pick. The first place we went was to the National Museum of Natural History.

To see dead Pandabears! Ironic considering that there is a zoo with ALIVE pandas about a 2 minute walk away!

The most interesting exhibit by far was on the origin of the Japanese people. This topic is still somewhat controversial in Japan today. Please note the red arrows with question marks. In fact I'm reading a book that discusses this very topic. If you have $25, 25 hours, and are curious as to how geography has affected human history I strongly recommend Guns, Germs, and Steel by Jared Diamond. A phenomenal book.


Many anthropologists and archeologists now believe Japan was originally settled by Caucasians called Ainu (Green). Then Koreans (Red) came to Japan and made Yellow people. The Ainu were apparently some of the hairiest mofo's on the planet. However similar to Native American's in the states they were gradually forced onto reservations and exterminated. There are only a handful of purebred Ainu left today.

Saigo-San
Saigo Takamori: The Last Samurai
In the movie his name is Katsumoto and he is played by Ken Watanabe

After eating lunch and we stumbled upon a Buddhist Temple. This dragon fountain is where you wash your hands before you go inside the temple to pray.



This is a video of me getting the best fortune possible. Yoshi was sooo jealous. Apparently it said I'm going to succeed at everything in life. That's not surprising considering I've already been doing that.



After the Buddhist Temple we walked through the park and watched a couple of street performers. During Hanami, this place is packed because everyone comes here to look at the Sakura and get drunk.



Japan loves vending machines. There were even vending machines to buy tickets for the museums and zoo.


This was the closest I got to pandabears. The zoo lied and these were the only pandabears they had.


Kangaroo's Boxing!



In this video we have: Ashika, Pengi, Shiro Kuma, and a Chicken riding a Goat.


Riding a Galapagos Tortoise! Look Mom, no hands!


5 Story Pagoda!


After the Zoo we went to the National History Museum to look for an acient sword that I just read about in my Japanese history book. When we arrived it was 4:30 pm, so we only had 1/2 an hour to find it. Mission start go!


As soon as we got there I asked the ladies at the info desk, "Futayama-Ken wa doko des ka?". They then pointed to two different areas on the map. After quickly searching both of the exhibits I was unable to find a sword that matched the description in my book. Down to 20 minutes it was do or die-cruch time-hail mary-all or nothing-triple overtime-sudden death and I didn't know what to do. I decided to gamble and we rushed off toward the Museum of Archeology where I found a sword that matched the description in my book, but I couldn't identify it because the placard was in Japanese. It was close enough, "Mission Accomplished". I then spent the next 5 minutes taking pictures of it until...


I turned around and realized that the sword I was actually looking for was RIGHT BEHIND me in its own spiffy display case. The description read FuNayama not FuTayama.



The Eta Funayama Kofun Tekken is from the 5th century and is one of the earliest examples of writing to be found in Japan. During this time many Japanese scholars believe Japan invaded Korea, while many Korean scholars believe Korea invaded Japan. The sword is very conveniently missing characters that would help put this debate to rest. The sword either says that the King of Japan was a servant to Korea King or vice versa.


After we found the Funayama sword we didn't have time to look at any of the amazing artifacts in the museum. One the way out this byobu caught our eye. It was a stunning bright light blue. This photo does not do it justice. After the museum we when to Gyu-Kaku for yakiniku!

The First Day of Spring

For the last 3 months Japan has been freezing! But when I stepped outside the other day it was quite pleasant. When I got to work my coworker couldn't stop sneezing because of her allergies.


Valentine's Day is a little different in Japan. On Valentine's Day women give chocolate to men. A month later on White Day (March 14th) men give women gifts three times the value of the chocolate they received.

Here is a video that should help explain.

Tennis

Today was National Foundation Day in Japan. So to celebrate I played tennis with some of my students. The last time I had "played" tennis was about 10-15 years ago, and by "playing" I mean my brother and I went to a tennis court and played home run derby.

So when the housewives in one of my classes invited me to go with them I was hesitant. I knew serving was going to be a challenge, but I figured my youthfulness and athleticism would compensate for my lack of skill. I'm not as youthful or as athletic as I once was... However after a little practice I was "okay". By this point in time I had developed a significant blister underneath one of my calluses on my right hand. It was somewhat painful but I decided to play through it. It was now time for my first real tennis match ever, doubles. Half way through the match my blister popped. I was at a crossroads, should I halt the tennis match to tend to my wound or play on and hope the hemorrhaging subsides? I went with the latter.

At this point I was trying to accomplish a multitude of different tasks simultaneously. These tasks included:
-trying not to get too much blood on the racket.
-"remembering" the rules of tennis.
-keeping the score. (Why the hell is Love, 15, 30, 40, win?, Why the fuck does it go to 40 instead of 45? For that matter, why count by 15, seriously why? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4 would probably work pretty well.)
-trying not to double fault on every serve.
-trying not to get in the way of my semi-pro teammate who was carrying our "team".
-and avoiding embarrassment whenever possible.

It wasn't pretty, but it could have been much worse. I had fun regardless. After the match I walked over to my student and said, "uhh, I'm sorry but I kind of got some blood on your racket, yeah, I'm really sorry about that...". Whenever you bleed on something that doesn't belong to you it always creates an awkward situation.

Tokyo Disneyland

The happiest place on Earth (in Asia)!

Actually in the past Disneyland has not been the happiest place on Earth for me. When I was little my eardrum burst and I had to be rushed to Mickey's emergency room. I don't know why it happened, it was just one of those freak accidents.

Also, I have gone to Disneyland with almost every girlfriend I have ever had. Most of those magical experiences ended with some sort of fight or argument. I swear, Disneyland is my dating kryptonite, although ONE time I did have a lot of fun with my gf.

Regardless, I still love Disneyland.


Some quick facts about Tokyo Disneyland and Japanese people. Japanese people love Disneyland more than Americans. In fact, they have an unhealthy obsession with all things Disney.

As far as the park is concerned TD is much bigger than Disneyland Anaheim, ironic when you take into account the average size of the guests at each park. The paths/roads in Tokyo Disneyland are extremely wide and the park is virtually spotless. The castle at TD is also far superior to the one in Anaheim. I attribute this to America's inexperience when it comes to castle building, whereas Japan has been doing that kind of shit for centuries.


My friends with spiffy 3D-glasses.


Pooh! Japanese people love Pooh.


Standing in line for Pooh's Wild Honey Pot Adventure Ride. This ride was made for kids, but it feels like a psychedelic PCP induced trip straight to the heart of honey-hell.


Small World!
No one ever gets that excited on Small World, but if they do jump out of the boat they deserve to drown in the 6 inch deep dirty water.


I got really excited when I realized I could read "please recycle" on my cup. Quick note, Tokyo Disneyland only sells American food: Hamburgers and Hot Dogs. The most foreign/exotic food I was able to find was a Honey-Lemon flavored Churro. After lunch it was time to head to Frontier Land where I stumbled upon...


Authentic Toby Keith Cowboy Hats! I almost roflcoptered right in the gift shop!!! Somehow only the worst parts of American culture make it to Japan.


Also quite strange and unexpected was the quantity of Route 66 memorabilia for sale. What does Route 66 have to do with Disneyland?


When we reached Frontier land it was time to shoot things. I always try my best to live up to all of the American stereotypes! Today's stereotype was Americans love guns!


Jungle Cruise was next. JC would be 10 X more exciting if they combined it with the shooting gallery to create a 1900's hunting safari. I propose they merge the two into: "Big Teddy Roosevelt's Big Game Hunting Safari Cruise Adventure!© "
Copyright © 2009 Robert M. Raney All Rights Reserved


Rrrrrrrr!



I get really excited!


Ookii Kaminari Yama!
My favorite ride.


I didn't think they existed over here but I found one! The first football I've seen in 7 months.



Panorama from the front of the park. Check out the swanky hotel.



Buzz Lightyear explains how to use a gun.


U. S. A.!!!


One of the most surprising things about TD is the amount of English. On the rides, at the restaurants and gifts shops there was English everywhere. The ride decor was often in English only, and at the restaurants and shops English was often above the smaller Japanese script. However all audio/speaking inside TD is in Japanese. A very odd juxtaposition.

I wonder if I'm the only person who finds this "Buy Bonds" poster extremely ironic.



Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. By the way, what is up with the Snow White ride? At the end of the ride the witch kills everyone and the ride ends. WTF!?


All in all one of my best Disneyland experiences!

Nikko

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New Year's In Shibuya

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